About Me
You can break the cycle of indecision.
I can help you develop a positive relationship with yourself, and learn to live an authentic life.
You feel like you’re all over the place.
You’re probably reading this because you think you’re ready for therapy. You finally want to make a change in your life. At the same time, though, there’s a part of you that doesn’t want anything to change. It could be you’re scared of the unknown. Even more, you’re angry that it’s up to you to make the change. Or, you’re angry that someone else hurt you.
It’s like you’re watching yourself go through the motions of your life. You don’t like the way you interact with other people. You feel resentful for being stuck in a relationship or a job that isn’t right for you. You feel the pressure to be what others perceive as successful or a good person.
Your whole life, you’ve tried to please everyone. It has felt like you’ve lived two lives - one that your family sees, and one for the people you really trust. You’ve tried to walk a fine line of fitting in with everyone, but it hasn’t always worked. The values you show in one situation don’t feel authentic in another.
I know. I’ve been there. And it sucks.
From a young age, I didn’t know how to define myself.
Growing up in a strict church environment, I learned to shut down the “sinful” parts of myself. In that context, I ignored my sexual side, my interest in making money, or my need to take care of myself.
Part of the religious environment meant that my first several years were spent in homeschool. I was sheltered from the outside world and did not learn important skills for relating to kids who were different from me. When I transitioned to public school in fourth grade, it was a rough adjustment to say the least.
Away from church and family, it was like I was a different person. The parts of me I worked so hard to suppress would come out. I would mistreat my friends or have trouble reading social cues, which would get me into trouble.
It feels crazy-making to live like this. I spent years with no sense of who I really was. I’d lash out at other people when I was angry at myself. It affected my dating life and my career choices. By the time I was an adult, there was a big part of myself that was completely miserable.
And then I looked within.
My own therapist helped me discover that my depression and anger came from a place of unmet needs. Even though I would spend hours obsessing over every decision I had ever made, it wasn’t helping me at all! I wasn’t living the life that I wanted. I was in the wrong job. I wasn’t the kind of partner I wanted to be. My friendships were hollow, because of the way I presented myself to others. I didn’t know how to say “no” to people without shouting it at them. I didn’t understand that I was a complex being with many different parts. As a result, I never felt any sense of resolution or conviction in my life.
This newfound insight and support allowed me to start focusing on a life worth living. I stopped placing happiness on one single aspect of my personhood. Instead, I leaned into being a rich, three-dimensional human. You can do this too.
What we can accomplish together
You can live the life you want when you figure out what’s important to you.
You don’t have to blame yourself when you’re unhappy. In fact, you don’t even have to worry about being unhappy - because sometimes it’s okay to feel that way! Your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, don’t have to hurt you. Neither do your thoughts, impulses, or memories. Your behaviors can change.
The most important step in making a change is to accept yourself for who you are. We can work on that together.
When we try to be rigid about what we think or how we feel, we ignore what our parts are trying to tell us. You know, important things like when we’re in pain. If we’re letting ourselves get out of touch with that, then we’re probably out of touch with our other needs and desires.
You can get off the carousel of feeling great one minute and terrible the next. You can LIVE intuitively. And the key to that is self-acceptance. That means knowing that you are not one single part of yourself. It also means choosing not to blame yourself when you listen to your parts.
Get help from a therapist today.
If you’re an adult looking for individual counseling, and you’re up for doing the work, then we might be a good fit. Schedule a free 15-20 minute phone consultation today.