Can Religion Cause Mental Health Issues?
This article is the opinion of the writer. It is for general informational purposes only. It does not constitute individual therapeutic advice.
Church made me think I deserve a bad life
What is one of the most dangerous outcomes of religion? People thinking they deserve bad things. Not all churches or religious settings preach this. Or, if they preach it, it’s not always intentional. The result, unfortunately, can be terrible for a person’s mental health.
I grew up in a church with a Calvinistic view of humanity. Teachers, and even my own parents, told me that people are inherently evil. I learned to strive for perfection while knowing it was impossible to achieve.
For all I know, there may be a helpful, healthy version of this belief system. I assume it's designed to encourage people to feel humble, rather than arrogant. Some people might experience this humility while still feeling happy. Plenty of people, including myself, have struggled to hold onto this kind of pure humility. Instead, it has turned into depression or worse.
Growing up, I beat myself up emotionally very often. I had trouble feeling embarrassed about making mistakes. The embarrassment usually developed into deep shame. I would ruminate for a long time on moments when I knew I had said or done something harmful. Sometimes this rumination would last years. I still feel shame as an adult when I remember certain things I did when I was a child. The shame can feel intolerable at times.
Certain beliefs can lower your self-esteem
I can look back, especially at my adolescent years, and see very clearly how depressed I was. I don’t think my parents believed that I deserved bad things. They never specifically told me such a thing. But, the combination of messages I learned at home and at church were confusing for a kid.
I was raised to believe that, at some point in the future, God would judge all beings based on their actions. Those who were considered “good enough” would receive eternal life. Everyone else would remain dead for eternity. It was different from believing in Heaven and Hell, but the general point was still the same. I believed God would decide that most people deserve eternal death. If I was supposed to remain humble, then shouldn’t I have assumed I would also die forever?
These are heavy concepts for children to carry around with them. I don’t believe in any of these religious ideas today, but you might - at least to some degree. How do these beliefs affect you? Are you afraid that you deserve to be punished for the things you’ve done? Or, worse, do you believe you deserve punishment just for being yourself?
In mental health terms, these beliefs can overlap with having low self-esteem. Someone who thinks they deserve punishment is less likely to stand up for themselves. They may think they’re doing the right thing by putting their needs last. Maybe they “turn the other cheek” to their enemies so frequently that they never stop hurting. Maybe their enemies are their abusers. Maybe their abusers are family members, close friends, or authority figures.
How do I ask for support with depression?
Even if a person has no enemies, they can still struggle to reach out for support. In many religious circles, mental health conditions are tragically stigmatized. Imagine someone who suffers from hereditary depression. Church leaders might tell them to simply pray and count their blessings. This kind of thinking can stop them from seeking out important medical treatment.
When I was a teenager, I briefly realized that I was experiencing depression. I told a couple family members about it. I told them that I had already recovered, and they didn’t think twice about it. They never once suggested that I seek out counseling, even as I acted out over the next couple of years.
I think back on that often. What if depression had been less stigmatized? What if I had been allowed to be unhappy, rather than being told that I was simply complaining? What if the adults around me had shared a better grasp of how mental health works?
I carried my depression all the way through college. I had no life ambitions and struggled academically. I hated myself, and I projected my self-loathing onto the people around me. I isolated myself from people who could have been good friends. As a result, they never got close enough to see how depressed I was, or to suggest that I seek professional help.
It wasn’t until I was in the wrong career and the wrong marriage when I finally attended therapy for the first time. It changed my life. I realized how worried I was that making my own decisions, or changing my life situation, would be “selfish.” It was my life, but I thought the opinions of other people mattered more than my own.
Much of the pain I’ve endured in my life has been internal. Yes, I was bullied when I was a kid. But I internalized all the messages I received from bullies. I merged those messages with what I learned at church. As a result, I became my own bully for years.
Are you bullying yourself? Do you hold yourself down with negative self-talk? Do you think you don’t deserve to have a good life? Are you carrying around a lifetime of shame instead of letting it go?
What if church taught me to feel shame?
Sometimes churches explicitly teach that shame is an entirely good thing. I remember once being told by an adult church member that shame is a good thing. She specifically said, “Nobody feels shame anymore. It’s too bad.”
Researcher and author Brené Brown points out the differences between guilt and shame. Guilt is the belief that you have done something wrong. Shame is the belief that you are wrong.
Both feelings can show up in unhealthy ways. For example, a person can hold onto debilitating guilt for something they did for years. Shame can cause someone to spend their entire life isolating themselves. Guilt and shame can keep people from connection and opportunity.
Guilt, though, can be used in one healthy way. Guilt can help you notice when you’ve hurt someone else. When you notice what you’ve specifically done wrong, you can do your best to make amends.
Shame - or the belief that you are fundamentally wrong as a person - rarely, if ever, helps. Shame is also used as a tool in many churches to keep people from breaking rules. Churches might be successful in this effort, but the cost can be terrible. Shaming children in particular can have lifelong consequences.
If you’ve read this far down, I’m guessing you can relate to some of the experiences I’ve described here. I want to offer you two things.
You are not alone. Plenty of people have suffered for years because of damaging beliefs like these.
Things don’t have to stay this way. That may not seem true now, but I've helped plenty of folx work through years of shame and negative self-talk.
It’s okay to reach out for help. I’m a mental health counselor, and I believe everyone deserves support. It does not mean that you are weak, or that you are good or bad enough to receive help. It means that you’re human. And you deserve a good life.
A picture my sister-in-law took as she passed a building in my neighborhood. I like the message. Feel free to insert your own name.
Are you trying to recover from adverse religious experiences? I offer counseling for people with religious trauma. Feel free to contact me and schedule a free consultation, and see if we’re a good fit.