Why Am I So Insecure About My Body?
This article is the opinion of the writer. It is for general informational purposes only. It does not constitute individual therapeutic advice.
What is body image insecurity?
Body image insecurity is a combination of thoughts and feelings. It might or might not be something constant. For lots of people, it varies in intensity throughout the day. Sometimes it goes away entirely, and then creeps back in later.
You’ve probably experienced body image insecurity before. You might be feeling it right now! Body image insecurity refers to a feeling that your body isn’t good enough. This can mean different things for different people. For many folx, insecurity shows up as feeling bad about their weight. Some people wish they had more muscles or looked stronger. These are just a couple examples.
Because of messaging in our society, we are taught to believe that we are responsible for things like weight and muscle mass. This causes us to feel 100% responsible for the way our bodies look. If you are beating yourself up about your appearance, that might not be totally fair. Your body (and everyone else’s body) is a result of many factors. These include genetics, a presence or absence of chronic health conditions, and even the amount of stress you face in your life.
Signs of body insecurity
Day to day, feeling insecure about your body can cause you a lot of trouble. Here are some signs that you might be experiencing body insecurity:
You talk to yourself in ways you would never talk to someone else.
You hate how you feel in your clothes.
You avoid looking in the mirror.
Your habits with food are changing. This can be a dangerous sign, and can lead to an eating disorder.
You withdraw from any situation where people might notice you and how you look.
What causes body insecurity?
The specific causes of body insecurity can vary from person to person based on our individual histories, but there are some general patterns that most people experience in the United States and beyond.
You probably have one more specific memories of times when you learned that your appearance is important. Maybe you found yourself feeling bad when comparing yourself to someone else’s social media. Perhaps you grew up with parents who were always dieting and making comments about how much or little food they ate. You might have been bullied in school. These types of things unfortunately happen to people all the time.
Sometimes these experiences are so hurtful that they are traumatic. When a person experiences trauma, the body remembers exactly how it feels during these moments. This is a survival mechanism to serve as a warning sign that we might be in similarly hurtful situations in the future. However, sometimes we experience trauma even in situations that technically we can handle, so we end up conflicted between trying to “just deal with” a situation and having a feeling of wanting to avoid it.
In other words, when the wounded parts of our minds are activated, it causes discomfort in the body. If you’re feeling upset, you might direct all of your negative feelings towards your body - because the body itself is what feels so unpleasant in the moment. And if you have a history of being told that your body isn’t good enough, then you might think that changing your body is your best chance of getting out of a painful situation.
How to cope with body insecurity
There are a number of ways people try to cope with body insecurity. Here are some guidelines I like to follow.
Thank the part of yourself that’s insecure. This is a technique from Internal Family Systems. Your insecurity is probably trying to help you find a solution to an uncomfortable situation, even if that particular solution isn’t actually working.
Start with a body-neutral approach if body-positivity feels out of reach. Notice some things that your body does for you. For instance, you might notice that your stomach helps you to digest your food.
Develop body-neutral or body-positive affirmations. These don’t have to be things you believe every second of every day. But maybe you think it makes sense to remind yourself something like, “My hair looks good when I style it!” Whatever affirmations work for you, write them on post-it notes to place on your mirror, or set them up as regular reminders to show up on your phone.
Write a letter to your body. Imagine your body is another person. What would you like to say to it? How do you feel towards it, and why? After you write this letter, wait a couple days and then read it. How does your body feel when it reads it? Is there anything it would like to say back to you? Write a letter in reply to yourself on behalf of your body, and see what comes up.
If you notice specific traumatic memories coming up as you try to work through your negative body image, consider working with a therapist. Processing painful memories can have a big impact on our ability to handle challenges in the present.
If you’re interested seeking counseling to get more support for body image issues, I may be able to help. Feel free to contact me and schedule a free phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit.