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This article is the opinion of the writer. It is for general informational purposes only. It does not constitute individual therapeutic advice.

What does it mean to overthink a relationship?

Different people might have different ways of overthinking. After all, “overthinking” is not a clinical term. What one person considers overthinking might be what another person considers being thoughtful. Ask yourself if the ideas in this post match your own personal experience.

It’s natural for people to analyze their romantic, and even platonic, relationships. This is especially true in these situations:

Being in a new relationship
Moving quickly from one relationship to the next
Having a history of getting hurt by previous partners

You might be looking for “red flags” in your partner’s behavior to protect yourself. To a degree, this can be healthy. The question is, when does analyzing your relationship become too much?

Pay attention to how you’re doing in your everyday life. Do you think about your relationship when you should be thinking about work or school? Is your anxiety getting in the way of your ability to trust your partners? Are you happy with how your life is going outside of the relationship? Spending so much time worrying about your relationship might actually cause problems.

Signs you might be overthinking your relationship

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One definition of overthinking is being too anxious about something. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) describes how anxiety can show up in our lives. Key criteria for GAD include:

Worrying about many areas of your life more often than not

Having difficulty controlling your worry

Physical symptoms, such as:
- Restlessness
- Having trouble sleeping or concentrating
- Tiring out easily

There are other signs you could look out for if your anxiety becomes too difficult to handle. You might start coping through harmful behaviors like substance abuse or eating disorders.

Why am I overthinking in my relationship?

Usually there are a couple main reasons for overthinking relationships. This is not a complete answer, and comes from what I’ve learned in my work with my clients. Still, it’s a good place to start.

Many people are constantly looking for “red flags” in their relationships. Examples of red flags are partners making passive-aggressive comments or violating your boundaries. When we look for red flags, usually these are behaviors we’ve seen in previous partners. If someone hurt you a certain way before, wouldn’t you want to make sure you don’t get hurt like that again?

You might also be looking for red flags that you’ve heard about from other people. You might have a friend or sibling who has been through their own relationship troubles. You might also have learned about relationship red flags from TV or social media.

We can also overthink our relationships because of our own insecurities. Maybe we’re insecure about our looks, or think we aren’t cool enough to keep up with a new partner. If you’re operating out of a place of fear, then you’re naturally going to be having lots of worried thoughts. After all, fear and anxiety are very alike and often work together.

It might be worth noticing the other parts of your life you overthink as well. It’s possible that you experience generalized anxiety. If this is the case, think about working with a qualified therapist to provide the support you need.