What Is Trauma Dumping?
This article is the opinion of the writer. It is for general informational purposes only. It does not constitute individual therapeutic advice.
What is trauma dumping?
Trauma dumping is the act of sharing traumatic information with another person. People consider it "dumping" because the listener does not consent. It also usually involves large amounts of content at one time.
The word “trauma” can apply to a whole range of experiences. We usually think of it as witnessing violent acts, like during war. However, other examples involve things like relationships or growing up in religious environments.
Trauma dumping is usually a surprise. This means the listener does not get an opportunity to provide consent. The nature of the relationship can also cause the listener to feel unsafe to interrupt.
For example, there could be a power dynamic between the two individuals. What if the speaker is the listener's boss at work? The listener will most likely feel uncomfortable stopping the conversation.
You can experience trauma dumping with family, friends, and even strangers.
What are the pros and cons of trauma dumping?
Benefits of trauma dumping
Trauma dumping can be beneficial because it can help people process. After all, some people are verbal processors. This is their way of working through traumatic events which are still affecting them.
If trauma dumping happens between friends, the friendship may be a safe space. Sometimes people need to trauma dump because they have very few safe spaces to process.
Some people feel shame around their trauma. That shame may begin to relax if their story is well-received, and they no longer feel so alone in their pain.
Negatives of trauma dumping
There are plenty of negatives that can come from trauma dumping:
Hearing about someone else's trauma can be very triggering. This is especially true if the listener has experienced trauma of their own.
I don't use the word "triggering" lightly. Hearing about trauma can lead to behaviors with real consequences. Examples include disordered eating, substance abuse, or self-harm.
Discussing delicate information without consent can damage the relationship. The listener may have trouble trusting the speaker in the future.
The very act of hearing about someone else's trauma can in itself be a traumatic event. We call it "secondary trauma." Even therapists can struggle with hearing about someone else's trauma. Therapists need tools and resources to work through that experience.
People who support trauma dumping can also experience "compassion fatigue" or burnout. This usually occurs if they continue to provide support without being able to rest. Sometimes rest comes in the form of seeking their own emotional support.
Asking the listener for consent provides them with an opportunity. They can use that opening to assess their ability to handle the conversation in that moment.
Trauma dumping can be a bad idea for the speaker as well.
The conversation might not be well-received. The speaker may end up feeling shame for having shared. This may even contribute to shame around the trauma itself.
Some listeners do not have the skills to hold the space required for the conversation. They may talk over the speaker. They might also respond with unwarranted or downright bad advice.
In short, even with consent, the entire conversation might do more harm than good.
Why do people trauma dump?
Trauma dumping might be the result of a person not having a safe space to process their experiences. Maybe they are still living in a traumatic environment in the present. Such individuals only get small opportunities to escape that environment and speak up.
Trauma dumping might also be a cry for help. Sometimes we don't know what to ask for or how to ask for it, and the best we can do is describe what we've experienced.
Trauma can bubble up to the surface when we least expect it. Let's say someone does not attend therapy, or have the skills or resources to process trauma on their own. A small event can trigger their trauma to rise up, and the only way to cope is to share out loud.
What's the difference between trauma dumping and venting?
Venting can help us process events and emotions, but it usually isn't as harmful as trauma dumping.
It is possible to vent about things that aren't traumatic. Let's say you're upset with how your boss treats you at work. That doesn't have to mean you're traumatized (although it could).
One way to measure if something is traumatic is to check in with your nervous system. Do you have a strong fight/flight/freeze/appease response to a certain person, place, or situation? You may be experiencing a trauma response.
Have you seen someone else express a trauma response to a certain stimulus? If you think you're venting about the same stimulus, that person may receive it as trauma dumping. That person would do better not to hear about what you've been through.
How do you stop yourself from trauma dumping?
It’s best to avoid trauma dumping on others if you can. Here are seven ways to keep your conversations from going too far:
Always try to check in with the other person if they consent to the conversation. You may do this at the beginning, middle, and end of the conversation. The listener might think they can handle the conversation, but still struggle by the end.
Try to ask yourself if you're about to share potentially triggering content. If you realize that you've already done so, that's a great opportunity to check in with the listener. Make sure they're okay, and stop the conversation if necessary.
Try to slow down as you're talking. Make sure there are points in the conversation where the other person can speak up.
As the speaker, you also may need a moment to relax. The more emotionally aroused we are, the more likely we are to trauma dump without thinking.
Try to do your part to process your trauma in other ways. This does not always mean that you have to relive the event. Trauma processing can occur in plenty of forms.
Talk to your therapist about what approach you're using. Somatic therapies like Internal Family Systems process trauma through the nervous system. This is as opposed to using more cognitive techniques.
You can also consider meeting with a trauma-focused therapist. Your therapist may provide tools that you can use between appointments. These tools can help you maintain awareness around triggers to your trauma.
If you’re looking for a religious trauma therapist, I can help. Contact me and schedule a free consultation to see if we seem like a good fit.